Why you need to understand how deception cripples you

There are moments in this life where points of understanding hit you at random points. It’s the sort of understanding that can only occur when some form of self awareness has been established. Specifically Self Deception.

Plus, a quiet mind that picks up the little things, especially the lies you tell yourself. 

For example, this article is written based on a feeling I had towards myself; a self recognition that now prevents me from hiding Truth away. In the form of a story you’ll read (hopefully relating to), a new confidence in myself and a fire that has been re-ignited. 

Short Story on my own Deception

This happened two weeks ago or so now, but I’ve felt a strong desire to continue doing the right steps for me. Which includes meditating every day, practising my sketching skills on various studies and working on this project.

I was working on my own, listening to an audio book, lost in it and the process. Though, another bro got put with me to finish the jobs he’d started there a few days prior. Luckily for the two of us, we can have some profound and thought provoking conversations. This guy, we’ll call him Simon, is an excellent questioner. He loves to ask questions and see how people function, the way I grasp it, in a similar way to how I like spirituality and how it relates to the choices we make. Every time we’re together, we discuss deep topics about life, that don’t normally occur at work.

I assumed it was going to be like any other time, have a good old chinwag and then call it a day. But this time it was different, he asked a profound question my subconscious picked up on.

Confident lies

For context the previous subjects had been life, our futures and what we want to do. Then he asked “ What do you define as success?”. Of which I’ve never had to express in real life before.

And me being me, I confidently responded “the things you work towards and accumulate throughout your life”, then it was gone, the conversation went on. However, I noticed a lag of sorts. Or that’s the best way to describe it anyway.

At that moment, I was painfully aware that I’m near the bottom of the work hierarchy being a tradesman. I also knew that I have multiple unfinished projects, earning minimum wage for 50+ hours a week, with none of the material things that you’d associate with success (I’m aware of materiality, don’t @ me), stuck in the same old work loop and most of all in a place i can’t even vision myself for the future.

This lag happened in the space of a second and was gone, but it felt like a ping in my brain. The thing which really got me was how confidently I gave the answer of success and what it means. Whilst being so divorced from it. Also there are daily tasks I could be doing to become closer to my version of success, yet I wasn’t doing them. I felt like THE imposter, like a form of uber-imposter syndrome. On top of this, I’ve had access to resources to push me towards success and people in these positions, for the past 11 months…. Sleeping on it for all this time…

My Self Deception

So I carried on with the week as normal, going through like I’m the top dog around here. It wasn’t until the week after, that this ping came forth and showed me what I’d noticed. 

To preface, I consider myself fairly self aware (humble flex), and even still I didn’t have this realisation myself; It was through finishing an anime called Mob Psycho 100. Plus I’m convinced the reasons below are why stories are so important to humans. 

To sum up without spoiling, the ending is emotional and very human. He becomes aware of his emotions without using any power, which are metaphorical anyway, accepting it and as a result himself. 

I took a long look at myself and realised I’ve never truly accepted myself. You hear the only person that needs to love you, is you. And I’d been whipping my ass for every small thing. After this, the conversation was forced into my mind between me and Simon. It rang:

You’ve lied to yourself. You’ve tricked yourself. How long will this self deception go on for? Where are the things you yourself consider successful? Where are your habits that push the needle forwards? I don’t see them.

After the Understanding

After this, I have to be honest, I cried. It’s not often that I’ve the guts to approach myself like this, completely naked and laid bare in front of myself. But these tears weren’t just that of sadness, it was a profound joy and happiness, mixed with a grief that it took so long. I felt for the first time in, well, ever, I’d been completely honest with myself. 

And during these tears, I noticed a strong feeling towards change, a change that I will be at the helm of. A feeling of reclamation. The wheel is back in my hands. The fire has been re-ignited. 

Only those of you who have felt this feeling will truly understand, and I hope all of you reading will at some point feel this. 

Once I’d accepted myself in that moment, I noticed that lies won’t and can’t do. This is a trick and an honest man doesn’t trick himself, no matter how hard it is to face. So I made the decision to review/plan my days. (Which I’ve had easy access to for 11 months), for complete transparency with myself. 

A side note, now that I’ve had a form of peace with me, is when I start to easily take care of myself and appearance. Don’t get me wrong, I care what I looked like before this. Just not to this extent. I got that haircut I’ve been eying for months, started buying new clothes to fix my style, grooming myself and generally taking more care of my external looks. 

I believe the way you look and how you present yourself becomes the forefront when you accept yourself. Plus I’m more confident than ever before. It’s all connected, like extensions of yourself. The point: If you want to radiate confidence, fix your relationship to yourself.

Random Realisations

I hope that you’ve had something similar to this, a seemingly odd moment to notice. But that is how God works, that moment was exactly when you were ready for it. It’s why stillness in yourself is so vital, so you do take note of opportunity. 

Let’s take that a step further, Imagine the above story is you. By placing your awareness here, even though it’s not yours, will allow your subconscious to look out for it more. Please do it. 

We all know that we should be doing certain things to get us closer to the Win. Advice about stopping your addiction or making habits work for you, are all tripe until you get to the core issue for yourself, whatever it may be. 

For me, It’s loving and accepting myself. And for the record, the work never stops. I’ll always have more to do, but that’s fine.

Where before, even putting deodorant on was effort because I’d eluded myself that it didn’t produce a “manly, primal” musk; falls away like the ridiculous cope it was. Now I’m spending money to make myself look better, be more confident and express myself more, supplemented with an ease of action. It’s not hard for me to do this now, where before it felt like a mountain to climb. 

We use copes like the cringe deodorant one in my case, as a crutch to avoid making change. Similar to the 4am meme. The reason many successful people can do that, isn’t because of the benefits like getting work done. It’s because they’ve integrated themselves properly.

Waking up at 4am is nothing to them. In fact, not waking up at 4am is a detriment. They have the mindset that allows them to do it as you brush your teeth; no resistance (hopefully). Just as David Goggins can run hundreds of miles, and still calls you a bitch, whilst in the middle of a desert run, for not wanting to have a shower. (lol).

Conclusion

The random moment of realisation is not random. It is a sign you are ready for the next step in your life. We love to fool ourselves out of the work we need to do. When you have a realisation and it sinks in that you’re not doing what you should, or self aware enough to pick up on your subtle lies, is when your mindset upgrades. 

It could take the form of 4am starts, cold plunges in frozen lakes, taking fashion seriously, reviewing your day or any other “productive” habit you hear about. 

Without the mindset change, these habits are silly copes to delude yourself into thinking you’re moving, when you ain’t. With the mindset change, they become non negotiable, stacked routines that bring about your unique success.

This one’s from spirit, baby. Hope you enjoyed the read. Please like and share with others. You can find my Instagram here.

Have a blessed day, 

SoulSurfer.