Have you ever felt that persistent inner voice, the one that never stops critiquing you? It’s like your self-reflection is bad or even negative. And the voice that always finds reasons why you’re not good enough or why you’re bound to fail. It tells you that your dreams are out of reach and that you’re just not cut out for them.

Or perhaps even more unsettling, you find yourself on a path that feels aligned with your values, yet something still feels off. It’s as if, despite your efforts, there’s a nagging sense that your life has been one big, wasted experiment. You wonder if it’s time to give up.

In this article, I want to confront that harsh inner critic with compassion. We’ll explore what it really is, why it keeps throwing obstacles in your way, and how to find clarity in the midst of this inner turmoil.

If any of this resonates with you, keep reading.

1. Understanding the Internal Struggle

To address this internal conflict, we first need to acknowledge that it exists. It’s obvious—you wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t experiencing it. But have you taken the time to really examine how this struggle has held you back?

For me, my recent struggles revolve around the life path I’ve chosen. I knew I wanted to travel and work during this journey, yet my mind constantly tells me I’m failing or that I’m behind in life. It compares me to top entrepreneurs, successful business people, or even fathers who seem to have it all figured out (even though I know deep down that’s not true).

So how can I, someone who’s away from my family and financially strained, possibly measure up? And should I even aspire to the same goals and values as them?

If I answer “no,” that I want to live differently, my mind labels me as [insert negative label here]. Suddenly, I’m standing naked before my own judgement, labelled as weak, unambitious, or lacking drive. No wonder these thoughts lead to feelings of being lost or even depressed.

Your conflict may look different from mine, and that’s okay. But take a moment to understand how you might be making yourself feel less than human. Then ask yourself: Would you treat another person this way?

Conflicting Values

The first step to understanding why this conflict is happening is recognizing that your values are in conflict. Your values are deeply rooted in your soul, guiding your decisions like a compass needle pointing toward your true north.

But when these values are contradicted, by what others think you should do or even what you think you should do, your inner compass starts to spin. The needle may still point the way, but if you don’t trust it, you’ll feel lost.

For example, you might value freedom and the ability to choose your own path. But if everyone around you, or the media you consume, tells you to follow a certain path, and you start to believe them, your true values get overshadowed.

Maybe your family wants you to pursue a specific career, or the content you consume glorifies non stop hustle. These conflicting perspectives can create inner tension that builds until it demands release, often in unhealthy ways like burnout.

When you live in a state of stress, your body reflects it. You might notice physical symptoms like bags under your eyes, low energy, and a lack of self-compassion. This inner tension can be destructive if not addressed.

Identity Crisis

You may be experiencing a crisis about who you really are. Your soul yearns for one thing, while your mind and body pull in a different direction.

This internal split grows as you choose sides. If you follow the mind and body, you might achieve material success, but at the cost of your soul’s energy, leading to burnout. And if you follow your heart, you might feel fulfilled on a deeper level, but struggle with the material aspects of life.

When who you should be and who you are meant to be are at odds, it creates a deep internal tug-of-war. This misalignment leads to feelings of being lost because every action feels out of sync with your true self.

So, take a step back:

Why are you allowing external influences into your mind and soul without filtering them? And why are you giving them so much power?

Fear of Judgment

We all fear judgement, and it’s an evolutionarily adaptive trait. In ancient times, doing something out of the ordinary could result in losing social status or being ostracised, which meant certain death.

Even though thousands of years have passed, our brains haven’t fully adapted to modern society. So give yourself some grace.

These ancient survival programs still run in the forefront of our minds. Being socially accepted and not excluded from our “tribe” still feels crucial.

But in today’s world, the stakes are much lower. The chances of losing everything because you define your own success are slim.

It’s common for external expectations to control your life, but if you’re feeling constant identity crises, conflicting values, and a harsh inner critic, is it really worth letting others dictate your path?

Or is it time to take control?

2. The Role of External Pressures

As mentioned earlier, the pressure to meet others’ expectations is immense. It makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint, but we no longer live in small, tight-knit tribes. Instead, we’re navigating a vast, open environment.

Throughout our lives, we’ll encounter people who tell us what they think we should do. These opinions might be well-intentioned, but they can still be barbed.

While it’s important to consider external advice, relying too heavily on it, is like building a house on sand. Without a solid foundation, it’s bound to sink.

Societal Expectations

We live in a world that often equates material success with overall success. You’re seen as having “made it” if you have wealth, status symbols, and a glamorous lifestyle.

But this focus on material wealth often overlooks personal fulfilment. What happens when you achieve financial success but lose your soul along the way? Or when your relationships fail despite all your external achievements?

I’m not judging anyone with material success – who am I to talk? However, it’s important to remember that not everyone is driven by the same values. Some people are more focused on deepening their connection to something greater, whether it’s spiritual or creative.

In a world so focused on material gain, it’s easy to feel like you’re falling short if your priorities are different. But does that make you less of a person?

The Comparison Trap

Comparing yourself to others is a sure fire way to feel inadequate. It’s easy to look at people who seem to have it all figured out and think, “Why am I not there yet?” This mindset only leads to feelings of deep inadequacy and despair.

It’s worth remembering that comparison is the thief of joy. You are inherently valuable, not because of how you stack up against others, but because of who you are.

3. Exploring the Root Causes

If you resonate with any of the struggles mentioned above, the good news is that you can trace them back to their roots. The challenge lies in uncovering these hidden causes, as our minds often bury them to protect us from pain.

Fear of Failure or Success

You might think, “How could I possibly fear success?” But look back at your life. Has there ever been a golden opportunity you let slip by?

Sometimes, it’s easier to let opportunities pass than to try and fail. The mind would rather avoid the risk altogether, convincing you that not trying is safer than trying and falling short.

But this mindset is flawed. Opportunities come when you’re ready for the challenge, and growth happens in those tough moments. So don’t let fear of failure or success hold you back.

Unresolved Past Experiences

Past experiences can deeply etch negative emotions into our psyche. When we encounter situations that trigger these emotions, our whole being recoils, leading to avoidance and missed opportunities.

For instance, if your parents separated when you were young and the memory still brings pain, you might shy away from relationships as an adult, fearing history will repeat itself.

But avoiding growth because of past pain only leads to disappointment. Don’t let unresolved issues dictate your future.

Ambiguity and Uncertainty

Life is full of unknowns, and no one has all the answers. This uncertainty can create anxiety, but it also presents opportunities for growth.

Embrace the unknown as a chance to test yourself and learn. By accepting that you won’t always have it all figured out, you can reduce the pressure to be perfect and instead focus on progress.

4. Navigating the Internal Struggle

Understanding your internal struggle is the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this journey:

Embrace Uncertainty

Accept that life is full of unknowns. Reflect on times when uncertainty led to exciting and rewarding experiences. By viewing ambiguity as an opportunity for growth, you can reduce the pressure to have everything figured out.

Identify Your Core Values

Take time to identify your core values, the guiding principles that matter most to you. These values will help you make decisions that align with your true self, reducing internal conflict. Spend some time reflecting on what truly matters to you, and use these values as a compass in your life.

Practice Self-Compassion

The way you talk to yourself matters. Negative self-talk can make the journey feel long and arduous. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would offer a friend in a similar situation.

Stay Present

Staying present can ease feelings of anxiety and disconnection. Engage in activities that ground you in the moment, such as meditation, nature walks, or journaling. Avoid dwelling on past regrets or projecting future worries, focus on the here and now.

Release the Need for Approval

Stop seeking validation from others. When you rely on external approval, you give away your power. Trust your instincts and be true to yourself, even if it means losing some relationships along the way.

Express Yourself Creatively

Creative expression can help release emotional blockages and provide a sense of relief. Whether through art, writing, music, or another medium, let your creativity flow and allow it to be a channel for your emotions.

Conclusion 

Addressing internal struggles is an ongoing process. By embracing ambiguity, aligning with your core values, practising self-compassion, staying mindful, and expressing yourself creatively, you can navigate these struggles more effectively.

The journey toward clarity and purpose isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. Keep moving forward, trusting that you have the strength and resilience to overcome any internal obstacles that come your way.

Remember, it’s okay to not have all the answers right now. Life is a continuous process of learning, adapting, and evolving. Trust yourself, embrace the journey, and know that each step forward, no matter how small, is a step toward a more authentic and fulfilling life.

I hope you enjoyed this read, if you did make sure to share and comment.

Good Weather, 

Elliott.